#013

"It's New Year's Eve" is not an okay excuse to take a dump on my bed. Besides, it's not even close to midnight (not that the time would make any sort of difference). CLEAN IT UP.

heart - dave

#012

This isn't really something I hate about you Woody (in fact quite the opposite) but I just had to say that it's really funny watching a bear your size do yoga every morning. From the right angle, the downward facing dog looks like the golden arches.

STAY HEALTHY KIDDO!!!

heart - dave

#011

Damnit Woody, those were my Golden Grahams and YOU KNOW IT!

heart - dave

#010

Nope. No. No way. I don't care if he's an expert in fire safety, you and Smokey can NOT practice your flaming baton routine here. do it at his place.

heart - dave

#008

if you're going to use my toothpaste, please squeeze from the bottom of the tube. And just steer clear of my soap in the shower, I get creeped out picking your fur off the bar. i know fur is fur but the idea that i've been wiping pubic fur all over my body really grosses me out.

heart - dave

#007

it's cold at night woody, and you have a giant fur coat. so when you wake up to me cuddling with you, don't get all homophobe on me. I mean, do the math, right?

(sorry about the morning wood though)

heart - dave

#006

it's not really your fault woody, i guess you have really intense dreams, but when you're sleeping you gnash your teeth and roar a little bit and it keeps me up at night. if we have to go back to sleeping in the same bed, that's cool, but for real, get a breathe-right strip or something.

heart - dave

#005

Really? In the middle of the floor? REALLY?

heart - dave

#004

Die Hard is NOT the best movie ever made and Bruce Willis is NOT the ultimate bad-ass you think he is.

heart - dave

#003

Come on Woody, at least pretend like you're going to do the dishes after you eat the mailman. It's bad enough that I have to scrub the blood from your fur but do I really have to clean the rotisserie skewers afterwards?

heart - dave

#002

Dude, I get that you're a bear, but if I have to watch one more episode of "When Animals Attack" I am seriously going to lose my shit. How about we watch "When Roommates Attack" - starring me and you.

heart - dave

#001

Woody used to have a big brown sweatshirt that he would wear around the apartment, but I washed it once and it doesn't fit him any more. Now he just struts around naked, pretending like the rest of us don't have eyes. I don't care if you're a bear or not, but if I'm paying your rent, put some damn clothes on.

heart - dave